We have been trying out a new church for the past several weeks and it has been difficult not to compare it to Calvary, our old church home. I think what we miss the most is the sense of community we use to have. While many have been quick to reach out to us, it is still hard being the "new couple" at church. Even though we both grew up in this town and still know people here, we are finding out that it's impossible to move back and expect to pick up where you left off. Things change and people change. As crazy as it sounds, we have noticed that people seem to avoid us. Maybe it is because they don't know what to say and are afraid they might say something that would bring up the past. I realize everyone is affected by the loss of a loved one in different ways, but as for me and Adam, we like talking about our son. He is not something that we would ever want to erase from our minds. Yes, the mention of his name still brings tears to our eyes, but the tears come because we miss him, not because someone brought him up. We still feel the deep pain of missing him, but we also have joyful memories of him like every other parent has of their baby.On a different note, we are grateful that God has blessed us with the friendship of a wonderful family who we seem to have lots in common with. Although it has been nearly 5 months since we lost Landon, we still struggle with our grief on a daily basis and it has been a blessing to have friends who understand this.
A year ago, we never would have thought that our lives would look the way they do now. Several times each week, I go to the cemetary to visit my little boy's graveside. This is my quiet time with him and God. Even though his little casket is buried there, it is hard for me to picture him as a lifeless little form just laying there. In my mind, I picture him as a beautiful baby alive and safe in the arms of our heavenly Father. I think about heaven a lot more now than I use to, not just because Landon is there, but because losing him has made the reality of death a lot more clearer to me. Heaven is something that Adam and I discuss quite often. I wonder what it will be like to be reunited with all our loved ones and to stand before the presence of our almighty Father. I can't wait for heaven! No more tears, no more goodbyes, no more sadness, no more pain. Just Jesus Christ and His love. This is a concept amazing beyond my comprehension.
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Cor. 2:9)
In His love....
