JOY

Christmas came early for us this year with the arrival or our little Addison in October. Granted, we did enjoy all the CHRISTmas festivities with family, gifts, and food and spending this special time with our daughter made it all the more meaningful. She has brought such JOY back into our lives.

As you can probably guess, it has been a completely different atmosphere in our home this Christmas season compared to last year. Last year, we were still deeply grieving the loss of our little boy and although we still miss him terribly, our latest little miracle has helped restore the joy that has been overshadowed by our grief. I think the hardest part about grieving for a loved one is learning to move on with your life and not feeling guilty for doing so. It has taken me so long to reach this point. Landon will always be a part of our family and there will always be a place in our hearts that will grieve for him, but I have learned that I can still live out a life full of happiness and joy even though he is not here. No, I still do not understand why he was taken from us so quickly, but I have accepted that there is a higher purpose for his passing and I am better off leaving that in God's hands. Even if God were to try and explain it to me, chances are, I still would not comprehend something so simple in God's eyes but so complex in mine.

Throughout this Christmas season, I have had lots of time to reflect on the spirit of the season and its true meaning. Every time, I can't help but be overcome with emotion at the thought of how blessed I truly am. I know that these blessings come as the result of my heavenly Father's love for me. Call me selfish, but as a mother who loves her children dearly, I cannot say that I am willing to give up my children in order for someone else to benefit. I know that others have been touched by Landon's story and I am forever grateful for the letters I have received from people telling how they have been moved by our faith, but it was never our choice for things to happen the way they did. Am I thankful for the result of my faith, OF COURSE, but I would never have chosen this journey for myself.

The other day, I came across a photo album from our mission trip to Ukraine we took only months before I became pregnant with Landon. In the weeks leading up to our trip, I prayed daily for God to open my heart to those around me and to mold my heart so that I could become more Christ-like. The whole time, I was sure that God was going to make this happen while I was in Ukraine. After all, I was going there to help reach people for Christ and it would be such an exciting time. One afternoon, we traveled by ski lift up to the top of a mountain where there was a breathtaking view of the valley below. I remember standing on top of that mountain staring down at the valley below me and feeling a little disappointed that I didn't feel as close to God as I had anticipated. I was literally on top of a mountain peak. How do you get any closer to God than that?! Don't get me wrong, I surely felt God's presence through the beauty that surrounded me, but I didn't feel the deep intimacy with Him I was hoping to find on this trip. Silly me. I should have known that God often chooses to use our darkest hours to mold our hearts and to draw us closer to Him. Little did I know at that time that God was about to move mountains so that I could find Him in the valleys of my life.

As I look forward to a new year, I pray that whatever life holds, I will continue to seek His will and be reminded of His love that covers me. Many blessings to you and your families for 2011!

In His Love....

On Monday, we met up with some of our best friends from Clearwater who were passing through our area. Kevin and Wendy were one of the first couples we met after moving to Clearwater four and a half years ago and have become family to us. We have shared some pretty challenging trials together and we know God put them in our lives for a purpose. Their son, Mason, was born with hydrocephalus a month after we lost Landon and although our stories are very different, we were able to encourage each other through the "valleys" of our faith. We are so thankful for relationships like those of Kevin and Wendy and the countless others God has blessed us with.

In His Love....

2 Months

Addison turned 2 months old last week. Along with her 2-month birthday came those dreaded shots. She took them like a champ, though, and her crying stopped as soon as the last shot was given. She weighs nearly 11 pounds now and has grown 3 whole inches since birth. She is in the 50 percentile with her weight and height. Aside from her milk allergy and her reflux, she couldn't be doing better. Lucky for us, she is pretty much sleeping through the night now. The first night she did this, I awoke in the middle night and frantically checked to make sure she was still breathing. You might say I have a small case of paranoia. I have 2 more weeks at home with her and then it's back to work for me. As much as I love my job and my students, I'm already counting down to summer vacation so I can be home with my little girl again.

In His love....

I don't spend much time on the computer these days. As you can expect, my priorities have shifted a bit since Addison has arrived. Most of those menial housecleaning tasks have fallen to the bottom of my to-do list. If you have been to my house recently, then you have noticed. :)

Addison has been doing super. She has a severe case of reflux, but now that she is on meds, she is doing much better. She recently discovered that she has a voice and she spends hours just cooing and "chatting" away. She smiles a lot now and sometimes she will even chuckle in her sleep. It's so precious and I can't help but laugh along with her. She certainly likes to be held and rocked. Her favorite place to sleep is lying across my chest and she is a big-time snuggler. I will admit she is a bit spoiled but the way I look at it is we've gone through so much to get her here that we have every reason to spoil her. Plus, we can't take all the blame. Our family and friends are just as guilty :)

I wanted to say congrats to my friend, Emily, one also happened to be one of my nurses when I delivered Addison. She gave birth to an adorable baby girl, Abby Claire, just this past week. Emily, I hope your nurse was as fantastic as mine!
In His Love...