Trust

As a teacher, I often read novels to my students. It usually takes us several weeks to finish a book because we read a little of it each day. The other day, we were just getting into one of the more intense scenes of our book when we had to stop due to lunch time. They were sourly disapointed we had to stop, but I promised them we would continue reading the next day. One of my students raised her hand and asked me "Can't you just tell us what happens at the end? I can't take the suspense any longer!" I laughed at her request and told her "but that would ruin the rest of the story. The best part of the story isn't always the ending. It's all the pages in between that make it so good. Trust me," I told her "You'll be glad you didn't skip to the end."

Later that night as I sat reading in bed, I reflected on our conversation. So many times, I have been like this little girl, wondering how the story ends. In times of agony or in moments of decision-making, I have often pleaded with God to just show me how it all turns out....to just take the guess-work out of the uncertainty of the unknown and make it all clear to me. Now I am beginning to realize that if He had answered my pleas, then what reason would I have had to trust Him if I already knew the ending?
As difficult as it is to do sometimes, part of our responsibilities as a follower of Christ is to merely trust Him. Trust Him when we receive a dreaded diagnosis. Trust Him when we lose our job. Trust Him when death claims a loved one. Trust Him when a spouse walks out on a marriage. Trust Him when we have been hurt by someone. Why should we trust Him? Because He commands us to and because of who He is. He has shown us He is worthy of our trust through His unyielding faithfulness, even when we are not. He is almighty and all-powerful, yet merciful and compassionate. We may falter, but He is forever steadfast. He is the rock that breaks the crashing waves. He is the safe harbor in the midst of a mighty tempest. We may not always like what He brings our way, but through it all we are asked to trust Him. He is a God so powerful and so wise that He does things that are beyond our comprehension. However, it is all done to fulfill His purposes in ways that will ultimately benefit us and bring glory to His name.
As I sit here typing this post on the eve of my son's second birthday, I admit that this post is more of a reminder to myself. At times, I still struggle with living out the rest of my story without knowing what lies ahead on the pages that have yet to be turned. I wrestle with trusting God when I look at the pictures of Landon hanging on my walls and think about the fact that Addison will grow up without her big brother.
This morning, my devotion came from the book of Luke 12:48
"...For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more."
Without a doubt, I know that God has abundantly blessed my life. Through all the tears, and all the moments of uncertainty, He has graciously bestowed His mercy and grace upon me. For this, I also know that He expects much from me. Giving Him my trust is one way I can fulfill this debt.
Tomorrow, we will visit Landon's grave and take him flowers and balloons just as we did last year. We will pray over him and shed a few tears I am sure; but, this year it will be done with a renewed sense of joy. Joy that comes from knowing that because the tomb of Christ is empty, so is our son's grave. This is the poem I wrote that is inscribed on his tombstone.
Our precious angel so small and pure,
safe in our Father's arms we are sure,
Forever in our hearts you'll stay,
until we meet again one day.
-Mommy & Daddy

TRUST......a simple 5-letter word that carries so much meaning. May we always trust that God knows the ending to our story and that He will be with us as we live out the pages in between.

In His Love...

Happy Easter!

"...who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness- by whose stripes you were healed."
1 Peter 2:24

May the empty tomb of Christ be a lasting reminder of God's love for us.

Happy 6 Months, Addison!

She really wanted that cupcake. Poor thing....she looked so pitiful when I took it away from her.

April...already?

I'm a month behind on pictures. Tomorrow, Addison will be 6 months old! It's almost unfathomable to think how fast time is flying by. Although it has been torture for me to be away from her while I'm at work, I couldn't ask for better babysitters. My mom graciously gives up her days off from work to watch her and Mrs. Fran keeps her the other days.It's such a relief to know I'm leaving her in excellent hands and I'm so thankful that God has provided these two wonderful people to help care for my child.

God has certainly blessed us with such a precious gift. Every time I look at her, I can't help but give gratitude to our Creator for answering our prayers. I also can't help but wonder how different things would be if Landon were still here with us. Last week, we were in Gainesville for Addison's 6 month check-up and after her appointment, we decided to do a little shopping. As I was browsing the aisles at one of my favorite stores, a little brunette, blue-eyed toddler came charging around the corner, laughing and giggling as he attempted to outrun his mother who was close on his heels. "Landon, you better get back here!" His mother called after him. That's when my heart felt a sudden jolt. Anytime I hear my son's name, it always takes me back to a place that seems so far away.Landon's birthday is this month. He would be turning two.

When I was pregnant with Addison, I was often asked, "Is this your first child?" I never really knew how to respond. If I answered "No",then the next question was usually "How old is your first one?" The questions would continue until I would eventually have to let the cat out of the bag that my son was in heaven. Immediately, I would become the elephant in the room and the person wouldn't know what to say after that. It didn't take me long to learn that the mention of death seems to make most people awkwardly uncomfortable. However, if I lied and said that it was my first child, then I felt guilty as if I was denying that my son ever existed. Crazy.... I know, but grief has a way of making situations complicated.

In His Love....