9 months: 1 tooth, crawling too fast for mommy to keep up and pulling up on my own
Hanging out with daddy on the hammock
Playing Peekaboo in the clothes hamper
4th of July
Thursday, July 28, 2011
9 months and Summer time!
The dog days of summer are fast upon us and aside from the miserable, intense heat that us Floridians have to suffer from every year, summer time has been wonderful. We have enjoyed our mornings of sleeping in (8 a.m. is considered "sleeping in" for us) and lazy days without hectic schedules to keep. As I sit here savoring my morning cup of coffee, the rain is pelting my rooftop with the force of fifty drummers and the thunder is rattling my window panes. My little girl is snoozing in my lap. Ahhhh...summer time. I only have two more weeks left at home with my little girl and I've been trying not to think about going back to work. Here are a few pics from our summer:
9 months: 1 tooth, crawling too fast for mommy to keep up and pulling up on my own
Hanging out with daddy on the hammock
Playing Peekaboo in the clothes hamper
4th of July
9 months: 1 tooth, crawling too fast for mommy to keep up and pulling up on my own Hanging out with daddy on the hammock Playing Peekaboo in the clothes hamper4th of July
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
How to help a friend in grief
I've been working on this post for quite some time now. I have struggled with the right words out of fear that I would offend someone, but finally decided that if someone could benefit from this, then I needed to write it. It's been a while since I have written anything on the topic of grief or losing my son. I think it is partly because I just haven't felt "inspired" as of late. Sometimes God lays something on my heart and I feel the need to express it and then I experience moments of lull when the words do not flow as easily and my thoughts are shallow and not worth mentioning on a blog post. However, it seems like lately I have had several conversations with people about grief so I thought it was time I post this. Disclaimer: I am not a professional grief counselor. This is merely based on my own journey with grief after losing a child.
How to help a friend who is grieving:
1. Be very careful and selective with what you say. It's not always wise to try and impart words of wisdom on someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one. We don't want to hear "They are in a better place" or "God needed another angel" or "You are still young and you can always have more children." We cannot replace a child by having another one, nor do we even want to think about trying to have more children when we are still mourning our first one. If and when we do finally decide to try for more children, we often struggle with the guilt that comes because we fear that people will think that we are trying to replace our lost child. Sometimes the best thing to say is "I don't know why it happened, but I know that you are hurting and I am praying for you."
2. Listen supportively and endlessly. Sometimes we might just need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to us talk about our loved one. It doesn't mean that you have to have some profound words of wisdom ready to offer. Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all but simply just listen. I was very blessed to have close friends who really seemed to understand this. They never tried to change the subject or interrupt me with advice. They just listened to me talk about my son and often cried along with me. It probably even made them a little uncomfortable but they never showed it.
3. Don't put a timetable on grief. A few people actually told me shortly after my loss "You're going to have to learn to put this past you and move on." I realize they were only trying to help me feel better but that was the last thing I needed to hear. Hearing this only made me think to myself "That's easy for you to say because it wasn't your child that just died." Closure doesn't come in a few weeks or months. Grief is not an illness or a disappointment from which one recovers. It is a deep wound that must heal slowly. Unless you are a certified counselor and you have experience in helping people deal with grief, the best thing you can say to someone struggling with grief is "I love you and I'm praying for you."
4. Everyone grieves differently. It helped me to talk to close friends and family about the events surrounding Landon's death and also to talk about the memories I had of him. On the other hand, my husband avoided the subject with others entirely. I will say don't try to force someone to talk about it if they don't want to. When they are ready, they will talk.
5. Grief is unpredictable. I remember my grief seemed to come in waves. One day I might be feeling just fine and the next day I might be a basket-case. I recall a particular time when I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store and there was a baby in the cart behind me. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I hurriedly paid for my groceries. Everyone was staring at me with questionable looks and all I could think was "God, please make the pain go away!"
6. The pain that comes with losing a child, regardless of their age, will be just as much as losing someone who had lived a long, full life. Losing a child, infant, or having a miscarriage is still a very painful and traumatic experience. Landon's life was very short- 6 days- and I miscarried our second child after only 13 weeks into my pregnancy. Just because our babies' lives were cut short doesn't mean that our grief was any less than someone who loses a spouse, parent, etc. It might just be a very different kind of pain. We mourn for the years that we will not have with our children and the chance at memories that would have been made.
7. Losing a loved one often makes us question our spiritual beliefs. This doesn't mean that you have to cram scripture down your friend's throat. It just means to be ready in case your friend comes to you with questions like "Why would God do this?" or "I thought God loved me."
Again, I am only speaking from my own experiences with grief and hope that this is beneficial for someone who is helping a friend in their time of need.
In His Love...
How to help a friend who is grieving:
1. Be very careful and selective with what you say. It's not always wise to try and impart words of wisdom on someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one. We don't want to hear "They are in a better place" or "God needed another angel" or "You are still young and you can always have more children." We cannot replace a child by having another one, nor do we even want to think about trying to have more children when we are still mourning our first one. If and when we do finally decide to try for more children, we often struggle with the guilt that comes because we fear that people will think that we are trying to replace our lost child. Sometimes the best thing to say is "I don't know why it happened, but I know that you are hurting and I am praying for you."
2. Listen supportively and endlessly. Sometimes we might just need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to us talk about our loved one. It doesn't mean that you have to have some profound words of wisdom ready to offer. Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all but simply just listen. I was very blessed to have close friends who really seemed to understand this. They never tried to change the subject or interrupt me with advice. They just listened to me talk about my son and often cried along with me. It probably even made them a little uncomfortable but they never showed it.
3. Don't put a timetable on grief. A few people actually told me shortly after my loss "You're going to have to learn to put this past you and move on." I realize they were only trying to help me feel better but that was the last thing I needed to hear. Hearing this only made me think to myself "That's easy for you to say because it wasn't your child that just died." Closure doesn't come in a few weeks or months. Grief is not an illness or a disappointment from which one recovers. It is a deep wound that must heal slowly. Unless you are a certified counselor and you have experience in helping people deal with grief, the best thing you can say to someone struggling with grief is "I love you and I'm praying for you."
4. Everyone grieves differently. It helped me to talk to close friends and family about the events surrounding Landon's death and also to talk about the memories I had of him. On the other hand, my husband avoided the subject with others entirely. I will say don't try to force someone to talk about it if they don't want to. When they are ready, they will talk.
5. Grief is unpredictable. I remember my grief seemed to come in waves. One day I might be feeling just fine and the next day I might be a basket-case. I recall a particular time when I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store and there was a baby in the cart behind me. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I hurriedly paid for my groceries. Everyone was staring at me with questionable looks and all I could think was "God, please make the pain go away!"
6. The pain that comes with losing a child, regardless of their age, will be just as much as losing someone who had lived a long, full life. Losing a child, infant, or having a miscarriage is still a very painful and traumatic experience. Landon's life was very short- 6 days- and I miscarried our second child after only 13 weeks into my pregnancy. Just because our babies' lives were cut short doesn't mean that our grief was any less than someone who loses a spouse, parent, etc. It might just be a very different kind of pain. We mourn for the years that we will not have with our children and the chance at memories that would have been made.
7. Losing a loved one often makes us question our spiritual beliefs. This doesn't mean that you have to cram scripture down your friend's throat. It just means to be ready in case your friend comes to you with questions like "Why would God do this?" or "I thought God loved me."
Again, I am only speaking from my own experiences with grief and hope that this is beneficial for someone who is helping a friend in their time of need.
In His Love...
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Baby Maxwell Update
I'm happy to report that baby Maxwell arrived safe and sound on Thursday. Mom and baby are resting at home now. Thanks for lifting up this special family in your prayers.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Prayer Request
Please pray for a special friend, Jill, who is having a scheduled C-section today to deliver her baby boy, Maxwell. I know she will appreciate the prayers as she faces anxiety over this delivery. Jill gave birth to a precious baby girl, Lola, 3(?) yrs. ago but unfortunately, Lola was deemed "incompatible with life" and was taken to be with the Lord. Praying that God will deliver a healthy baby and that the delivery will go smoothly.
In His Love...
In His Love...
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