It Was All Worth It

I recently paid a visit to the dentist. I was appalled to learn that I had, not one, but two cavities and I would need to get fillings! This was shocking to me since I hadn't had a cavity since elementary school, well.... maybe high school. I think the dentist sensed my embarrassment after promising him again and again that I really did brush my teeth. He assured me that sometimes stress can cause cavities. I realize he may have just said this to ease my shame, but I'll choose to believe him :) Right before he gave me the injection of numbing medicine, he said "This might hurt for a little while, but just remember, it will be worth it."

His words didn't hit me until days later when I was visiting Landon's grave. Even though it was a bleak and rainy day, I couldn't wait to see Landon's new headstone that had just been set that day. After nine months, my little boy finally had a proper resting place. I stood there in the pouring rain over my son's grave, my tears blending in with the pelting raindrops that stung my face, and suddenly, the words of my dentist came back to me. "Yes, this has hurt for a while, but one day I know it will be worth it."

I use to believe in the cliche that "God will never give you more than you can handle" but I'm not really on the bandwagon with that anymore. First of all, I don't neccesarily believe that God is always the one doing the "dishing out of bad things." Without giving the devil too much credit, it is important to know that evil does exist in our world. While God does permit certain things to happen, He is not always the cause of these events. Secondly, sometimes life can deal out some pretty devastating blows and there is no humanly way possible to carry the burden of the heartbreak that follows without the help of a higher power. I think that cliche should actually be "God will never give you more than you can handle without His help."
In 2009, life delivered some pretty devastating blows. My husband lost his job very unexpectantly due to company downsizing. I was seven months pregnant and we were temporarily without health insurance. We had bills to pay and were living off my teacher's salary. Our only option was to put our house on the market. Weeks later, our son was born pre-term very unexpectantly. Six days later, we lost him very unexpectantly and we were devastated. We had medical bills and funeral expenses that we had not anticipated. We eventually moved to a different town to be closer to family. Six months after losing Landon, we got another blow when our very unexpected pregnancy came to an end at 13 weeks. We had lost our second baby and once again, we were devastated.

I do not share these things as a means of garnering sympathy but only to give proof of how God can take heartbreak and turn it in to the ultimate form of healing that one can experience. While all of these events may have seemed very unexpected to us, God knew they were coming the whole time and He was ready. He was waiting in the wings for the time when I would reach my breaking point. When I finally did, He was there to scoop me up in His arms and carry me the rest of the way. Since then, He has been performing a healing on my broken heart. He has been carefully stitching it back together and mending it in places that I never knew needed mending.

If you are enduring a loss, then you are all too familiar with the heartwrenching pain that shakes you to your inner core and seems to suck the life right out of you. You know the desperation of seeking a way to escape the pain. When you finally reach your breaking point, thankfully, there is someone there to carry you the rest of the way and perform a healing on your heart like no other. He can provide the salve that brings comfort and hope.

Some have often questioned my decision to expose some of my most intimate feelings, especially knowing how private of a person I have been in the past, but if I don't, then my story can't do God's healing power any justice. If you have recently experienced some type of heartbreak, keep the faith. One day, your pain will lessen to the point that your good days will outnumber the bad ones. You will see that the sun is still shining and your heart is still beating and...... life goes on.

Although God is still in the process of performing open-heart surgery on me and I am yet to be completely healed, I am hoping that one day I can say "It was all worth it."

In His Love....