Positivity

Just a little bit of randomness that some of you might be interested in.


There are several things in life I am positive about.....

I am positive that God is real and loves me unconditionally, even though I may not always be deserving of His love.

I am positive I love my adoring and loving husband and couldn't live without him.


I am positive I am blessed with wonderful family and friends.


I am positive that life will not always be a piece of cake, but I have the promise of a loving and faithful Father to get me through.

I am positive that I am gaining weight (but not complaining).

I am positive that I have been very sick lately (but not complaining about this either).

And lastly, I'm positive that God has been at work in my life, b/c I am ........

























We realize that God's plan may not always be what we desire in life, but we are praying that whatever His plan is for this baby, we can handle it. Secretly and selfishly hoping that Baby Bricker #3 will be here to stay for a while. So far, so good. I'm sixteen and a half weeks and due Oct. 20th.
Our prayer is that fear will not steal our joy and that our trust in the Lord will not fade.
We are ever so grateful for your love and prayers.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3

In His Love...

Six Days of Blessings

Yesterday, we went to visit a beautiful little boy who is in the NICU at Shands. Brantley is the son of two of our closest friends, Barton and Bethany. He was born on March 17th at 27 weeks and has been in the NICU ever since. He still has a long way to go, but boy he is a fighter! While Bethany was still carrying him, the doctors told her that he was at risk for a very serious health issue. I remember a conversation we had one day and she told me "I don't know if I could handle what you and Adam have gone through." My response..."I didn't think I could either, but God carried me through it." I have watched Barton and Bethany over the past 7 weeks, and I stand in awe of their strength and optimism. Many people do not understand the physical and mental toll that comes with having a baby in the NICU. I managed it for one week and they have managed it for seven. Please remember their family in your prayers, especialy little Brantley.

Last night, as I stood in the NICU surrounded by beeping monitors and sick little babies, I was reminded of a different NICU I was in, a year ago to the day. Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of Landon's passing. While many of the events that took place that day are still very sharp in my mind, they are also very painful to reflect upon. I think yesterday was more difficult than his birthday because it represents the day he left us. Although God has filled me with an unexplainable peace these past months, that peace does not make the pain go away.
These past six days have come and gone so quicky. I have spent a year wondering how I would cope when they finally did approach, and while they have been very difficult, we have been blessed with the overwhelming amount of encouragement from family and friends. These are only a few examples:

The week before Landon's birthday, I received a package in the mail from my former colleagues and friends at my old school where I use to teach in Dunedin. My friend, Jen, had gotten everyone to write me little notes of encouragement to help me through the coming week. I was amazed that although I have lost touch with many of them, they still think of me and pray for Adam and I.

On Landon's birthday, I received a ton of texts and emails from loved ones saying they were praying for us. Thank you.

The day Landon was born, my mom gave him a Swarovski crystal rocking horse that she brought back from Austria just for him. To continue the tradition, she and my dad gave us a Swarovski crystal lamb.The tears fell heavy when I opened it. The lamb is symbolic in many ways. Thanks Mom and Dad :)

Over the past six days, we have received heartfelt letters from our close friends in Clearwater. Each day, there have been 2 letters- one for me and one for Adam. I have cried while reading every single one of them. Not only did they write words of encouragement, but they talked about our son. These are the same friends who came to visit us in the hospital when Landon was born and who helped us make arrangments for his memorial service while we struggled with the inital shock of our loss. They have walked this journey with us and we will forever be indebted to them for their compassion and friendship they have poured over us.

Yesterday, my friend, Wendy, sent me the book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. It could not have arrived on a better day. In her book, Angie shares the story of her grief after losing her infant daughter. It's a must read for anyone dealing with a loss or a difficult trial. Thanks, Wendy! By the way, this is the same Wendy, who has also been going through some pretty difficult trials with her infant son, Mason. If you want to know a woman after God's heart, read her blog www.kevinwendywhite.blogspot.com She is such an inspiration and a very dear friend!

Thank you to our family and friends for remembering our son. God never ceases to amaze me with His overflowing goodness.

In His Love.....

Happy Birthday, Landon!

It's a bittersweet day. Thinking about the precious miracle that came into our lives a year ago today and thanking God for every second we got to spend with that miracle. Landon is never far from my heart or my thoughts. I'm thankful that my little boy came into this world alive and that we had some very special moments with him. Although we still grieve and mourn the years we will not get to spend with our son, we continuously praise God for the time He did allow us. After all, six days is far longer than what some mothers get with their child.

It is hard to believe that a year has come and gone so quickly. While the memories of his birth are still sharp in my mind, I know that is not the case for others. A close friend recently asked me "Are you afraid that people will forget him?" I could barely hold back the tears as I responded with a weak "Yes." Most of our friends and family never got to meet him before he left us, so to some, he is only a name without any memories attached. How can I expect them to remember him when they never got to meet him? For Adam and I, it is so much easier because we're his parents and a parent's love for their child does not end even after they pass on.

I made a silly request last night in my prayers. I didn't even tell Adam about it b/c I was afraid he would laugh at me. I asked God to send me a butterfly at Landon's grave today. I really don't know why I asked Him for it. Maybe I was looking for reassurance, I don't know. Point is, I asked for it. I had forgotten all about my foolish request until we walked up to his grave today and low and behold, there was a butterfly resting right on Landon's headstone. My heart literally skipped a beat! At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but after looking around, I noticed that it was the only butterfly I could see. Even stranger, it floated around our heads and stayed close to Landon's grave almost the entire time we were there. Feel free to call me crazy, but I believe in signs and I know that God sent that butterfly for me today. That was his gift of reassurance to me that my little boy is okay.

I do not want Landon's birthday to be a day of sadness, because after all, a year ago today, I was experiencing one of the greatest joys of my life. So instead of sadness, I praise God for the magnificent birthday party He is giving my son in heaven today and for the fact that Landon's little brother/sister that was due this week is getting to celebrate with him.

Save a place for me, my sweet baby boy.

Big day

I've been pretty quiet the last month. Thanks for all the emails asking if I was okay. Yes, I'm fine, just super busy with work and other things.
We have an important day coming up next week. Not sure what to think or feel except that I still miss my baby boy like crazy. Hard to believe it's been almost one year....One year since a beautiful blessing entered our lives. Thanking God for such a wonderful blessing.

In His Love....

Peace

Easter has come and gone and while I tried my hardest to focus on the real meaning of why we celebrate Easter to begin with, in the back of my mind, there was still that stabbing pain that things were not as they should have been. This year, Easter should have been different for my family. We should have had our nearly one-year-old son dressed for church in his new outfit. He should have been hunting Easter eggs with all the other children and been a part of the big family get-together.......but he wasn't. Another holiday without my baby boy.

Instead, Adam and I went to visit him at his grave. This has become our new family tradition. While we never would've dreamed that starting a new family tradition would include this, we have the promise that this tradition will not last forever.
One day, we will see our little boy face to face and we will no longer have to spend holidays, or any day for that matter, separated from him.

Our pastor preached a wonderful sermon on Easter Sunday about the promise of eternal peace that God offers us. It brought tears to my eyes to think of how much God has blessed me with His peace this past year. There have been times when I thought my pain would surely bring me to my ruin, but time after time, there was that still, small voice that brought light into my darkened world.

Although the pain of losing Landon is still so great, I have felt the fullness of Christ's love like never before. He has taught me what it means to be comforted by His peace and it is by His mercy and grace that my faith is being strengthened. It is only because of His resurrection that I have God's promise of peace and hope. God brought thunderclouds and disasters into my life when all I really wanted was green pastures and still waters. I realize now that that was the only way His refining fire could do its work.
I'm looking forward to the day of Christ's return!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade- kept in heaven for you"
1 Peter 1:3-4

In His Love....

Healed by a Hem

Several days ago, I came across a story in the Bible that reminded me of the magnificent healing power of Christ and also the importance of a Christian's profession of faith. I had read this story many times before, but sadly I had never stopped to reflect on the depth of its message. It comes from Luke 8:40-56.

Jesus has just returned to Capernaum where a crowd has gathered to welcome Him back. Among the gatherers are a man and a woman, both separately seeking a healing from Jesus. The man, Jairus, is a leader of a synagogue and of great reputation and wealth. He falls at Jesus' feet, pleading with Him to come to his home and heal his dying daughter. As Jesus tries to make His way through the crowd to Jairus' home, a woman fights through the people to get close to Him. "If I can just get close enough," she tells herself. This woman had been suffering from a "female problem" for twelve years. She has basically spent all her money trying to find an end to her problem, but to no avail. Not only has her illness affected her physically and financially, it has also deprived her of taking part in religious ceremonies. (Under levitical law, bleeding made her unclean and unfit to partake in religious activities.) She has become discouraged and desperate. She had heard of Jesus' healing power, and as a last resort, she sought out this "healer".

As Jesus tried to make His way through the crowd to Jairus' home, the woman "came up behind Him and touched the hem of his cloak." Unlike Jairus, she did not approach Jesus face to face. She preferred to remain anonymous. I'm assuming that her female problem was an embarrassment and not something she wanted to proclaim in front of the masses. I'm also thinking that because she was considered "lowly" in society, she did not feel worthy to confront Jesus directly. I guess you could say she was trying to "steal a healing" for it says "upon touching the Lord's garment, she was immediately healed."

"Who touched me?" Jesus asked. Everyone denied they had touched Him. I imagine His disciples looked at Him as though he were crazy for they said "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you." In their minds they are thinking that Jesus is asking for the impossible. Hundreds have touched Him. What difference did it make who touched Him? That would be like standing in the pouring rain and trying to pinpoint one single raindrop.

Jesus' response just gives me chills......

"but Jesus said 'Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.' "

I can only imagine that by this point, Jairus is growing impatient, as time is of the essence if his daughter is to live. The disciples are also wondering why Jesus is delaying His arrival to Jairus' home. Didn't He have a child to heal?

But Jesus would not let the matter drop. Finally, the woman recognizes that she cannot go unnoticed as she had hoped. She falls at the feet of Jesus, bearing witness as to why she had touched Him and that she had been healed.

Although her faith might not have been enough to move mountains, it was enough to bring her healing, because Jesus says to her "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

Jesus would not allow this woman a second-class healing. She ends up at Jesus' feet before Him, just where people of faith belong. I find it amazing that not only was it Jesus' power that healed her, it was also her faith that brought her healing. Jesus was sure to bring this to the crowd's attention when He told her that it was her faith that had healed her. Christ also wanted her faith to be publicy professed, not kept secret.

Where there is faith-no matter how big or small- God will respond to it and challenge us to become stronger in our faith. As long as we have faith, we, too, can be healed by a hem.

In His Love....

It Was All Worth It

I recently paid a visit to the dentist. I was appalled to learn that I had, not one, but two cavities and I would need to get fillings! This was shocking to me since I hadn't had a cavity since elementary school, well.... maybe high school. I think the dentist sensed my embarrassment after promising him again and again that I really did brush my teeth. He assured me that sometimes stress can cause cavities. I realize he may have just said this to ease my shame, but I'll choose to believe him :) Right before he gave me the injection of numbing medicine, he said "This might hurt for a little while, but just remember, it will be worth it."

His words didn't hit me until days later when I was visiting Landon's grave. Even though it was a bleak and rainy day, I couldn't wait to see Landon's new headstone that had just been set that day. After nine months, my little boy finally had a proper resting place. I stood there in the pouring rain over my son's grave, my tears blending in with the pelting raindrops that stung my face, and suddenly, the words of my dentist came back to me. "Yes, this has hurt for a while, but one day I know it will be worth it."

I use to believe in the cliche that "God will never give you more than you can handle" but I'm not really on the bandwagon with that anymore. First of all, I don't neccesarily believe that God is always the one doing the "dishing out of bad things." Without giving the devil too much credit, it is important to know that evil does exist in our world. While God does permit certain things to happen, He is not always the cause of these events. Secondly, sometimes life can deal out some pretty devastating blows and there is no humanly way possible to carry the burden of the heartbreak that follows without the help of a higher power. I think that cliche should actually be "God will never give you more than you can handle without His help."
In 2009, life delivered some pretty devastating blows. My husband lost his job very unexpectantly due to company downsizing. I was seven months pregnant and we were temporarily without health insurance. We had bills to pay and were living off my teacher's salary. Our only option was to put our house on the market. Weeks later, our son was born pre-term very unexpectantly. Six days later, we lost him very unexpectantly and we were devastated. We had medical bills and funeral expenses that we had not anticipated. We eventually moved to a different town to be closer to family. Six months after losing Landon, we got another blow when our very unexpected pregnancy came to an end at 13 weeks. We had lost our second baby and once again, we were devastated.

I do not share these things as a means of garnering sympathy but only to give proof of how God can take heartbreak and turn it in to the ultimate form of healing that one can experience. While all of these events may have seemed very unexpected to us, God knew they were coming the whole time and He was ready. He was waiting in the wings for the time when I would reach my breaking point. When I finally did, He was there to scoop me up in His arms and carry me the rest of the way. Since then, He has been performing a healing on my broken heart. He has been carefully stitching it back together and mending it in places that I never knew needed mending.

If you are enduring a loss, then you are all too familiar with the heartwrenching pain that shakes you to your inner core and seems to suck the life right out of you. You know the desperation of seeking a way to escape the pain. When you finally reach your breaking point, thankfully, there is someone there to carry you the rest of the way and perform a healing on your heart like no other. He can provide the salve that brings comfort and hope.

Some have often questioned my decision to expose some of my most intimate feelings, especially knowing how private of a person I have been in the past, but if I don't, then my story can't do God's healing power any justice. If you have recently experienced some type of heartbreak, keep the faith. One day, your pain will lessen to the point that your good days will outnumber the bad ones. You will see that the sun is still shining and your heart is still beating and...... life goes on.

Although God is still in the process of performing open-heart surgery on me and I am yet to be completely healed, I am hoping that one day I can say "It was all worth it."

In His Love....