It's Finished!

A few years ago, my wonderful husband blessed me with a sewing machine for my birthday. I had never sewn a stitch in my life, but it was something that I had always wanted to learn. Sewing quickly became a favorite hobby and gave my idle hands something to do after Landon passed.

Granted, I am definitely NOT an accomplished seamtress and anyone who is would probably be mortified with my stitching, but I'm content with my novice handiwork. :)

So.....I mentioned in a previous post that I had decided to sew our Baby Girl's crib bedding. Well, I pretty much went on a sewing marathon and didn't stop until I finished. I promised a few friends and family members I would post pics of the finished product. The nursery is still a work in progress, but is slowly coming together. Fourteen more weeks to go!

Just a little more faith

Yesterday was my 24-week appointment. The baby's heart beat was healthy and everything seems to be going well. I realize I haven't been doing a great job of keeping long-distance friends and family updated but I have been enjoying my summer break.
One thing I have vowed for this pregnancy is that I would not let worry and anxiety steal my joy. Sometimes that is easier said than done when it seems like the enemy is just waiting for the chance to prey upon the fears that linger in the back of my mind. Every time I get asked "Have you picked out a name yet?" or "Have you started decorating the baby's nursery yet?" I feel a sense of fear creeping up. I immediately start thinking what it was like to come home to an empty nursery and be surrounded by untouched baby things in every corner of the house. It took me over two months to find the courage to pack away all of Landon's things. When I finally did, I felt so guilty. While the world around me kept telling me it was time to move on, my broken heart just wasn't ready. I knew that moving on meant accepting the realization that I would never again hold my son in my arms and that our family would always be incomplete. So many times, people would ask if we planned to have more children. People just don't realize it's not that easy once you have lost one. We didn't want to feel like we were trying to replace Landon.

Although we are overjoyed at the blessing of my latest pregnancy, we often struggle with "what if it happens again?"That's when I hear the Spirit telling me to "be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) I feel guilty that my faith meter has been running a little low lately and I can sense God's disappointment in the fact that I haven't been putting much confidence in Him these last few months. I can sense Him saying "Okay Lindsey.....just a little more faith, please. After all, I am the One who rescued you from the flooding waters of your sorrow and pain. I have loved you even when you questioned me. I sacrificed my only Son for you so that you might have life. I have provided for your every need and this is the best you can give me? Where is your faith, child?" Pslam 46:10 is an encouragement to reflect upon what God can do in the face of what I cannot do. I am often reminded by the movement inside my womb that I do not serve a small God. May I continue to trust Him and His infinite power.

I am slowly finding the courage to take out the boxes of baby things from storage and start piecing together our baby girl's nursery. I have even taken on the daunting task of sewing her crib bedding (which might end up killing me before it's all said and done). We still do not have a name picked out, but that is mainly because we cannot agree on one we both like. I'm having a hard time convicing my husband that certain names would cause our child to end up resenting us.
In the coming months, we will continue to pray that God's hand is resting upon our unborn child and that we will remain confident in the fact that it's all in His hands.

In His Love....

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!!!
I just wanted to post a quick update on our ultrasound this past Thursday. First, I just want to thank everyone for your prayers. The ultrasound went well and the baby appears to be healthy and developing as "she" should be. Now, our prayer is that we can make it full-term this time. As badly as we want to meet our little one, we certainly want her to wait until her due date. We are continuing to trust in the Lord that things will work out and that it's all in His hands.

In His Love...

What's the verdict?

So lots of people keep asking me when we find out what we're having. First of all...I'm pretty sure we're having a baby. :) Secondly, we find out June 3rd (yep..this Thursday) if it's a boy or a girl. And no...I don't have a preference. I think some of our family members are a little disappointed that we aren't going to wait and let it be a surprise, but I don't think either of us could stand the waiting. We're just hoping and praying for a healthy baby and that the ultrasound goes well. My doctor has been very pleased with my pregnancy thus far, but there is still that haunting in the back of my mind that something might go wrong. I have been fighting off lots of anxiety as my appointment gets closer. If you get a spare moment this week, would you please pray for the health of our baby?

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

In His Love....

Positivity

Just a little bit of randomness that some of you might be interested in.


There are several things in life I am positive about.....

I am positive that God is real and loves me unconditionally, even though I may not always be deserving of His love.

I am positive I love my adoring and loving husband and couldn't live without him.


I am positive I am blessed with wonderful family and friends.


I am positive that life will not always be a piece of cake, but I have the promise of a loving and faithful Father to get me through.

I am positive that I am gaining weight (but not complaining).

I am positive that I have been very sick lately (but not complaining about this either).

And lastly, I'm positive that God has been at work in my life, b/c I am ........

























We realize that God's plan may not always be what we desire in life, but we are praying that whatever His plan is for this baby, we can handle it. Secretly and selfishly hoping that Baby Bricker #3 will be here to stay for a while. So far, so good. I'm sixteen and a half weeks and due Oct. 20th.
Our prayer is that fear will not steal our joy and that our trust in the Lord will not fade.
We are ever so grateful for your love and prayers.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3

In His Love...

Six Days of Blessings

Yesterday, we went to visit a beautiful little boy who is in the NICU at Shands. Brantley is the son of two of our closest friends, Barton and Bethany. He was born on March 17th at 27 weeks and has been in the NICU ever since. He still has a long way to go, but boy he is a fighter! While Bethany was still carrying him, the doctors told her that he was at risk for a very serious health issue. I remember a conversation we had one day and she told me "I don't know if I could handle what you and Adam have gone through." My response..."I didn't think I could either, but God carried me through it." I have watched Barton and Bethany over the past 7 weeks, and I stand in awe of their strength and optimism. Many people do not understand the physical and mental toll that comes with having a baby in the NICU. I managed it for one week and they have managed it for seven. Please remember their family in your prayers, especialy little Brantley.

Last night, as I stood in the NICU surrounded by beeping monitors and sick little babies, I was reminded of a different NICU I was in, a year ago to the day. Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of Landon's passing. While many of the events that took place that day are still very sharp in my mind, they are also very painful to reflect upon. I think yesterday was more difficult than his birthday because it represents the day he left us. Although God has filled me with an unexplainable peace these past months, that peace does not make the pain go away.
These past six days have come and gone so quicky. I have spent a year wondering how I would cope when they finally did approach, and while they have been very difficult, we have been blessed with the overwhelming amount of encouragement from family and friends. These are only a few examples:

The week before Landon's birthday, I received a package in the mail from my former colleagues and friends at my old school where I use to teach in Dunedin. My friend, Jen, had gotten everyone to write me little notes of encouragement to help me through the coming week. I was amazed that although I have lost touch with many of them, they still think of me and pray for Adam and I.

On Landon's birthday, I received a ton of texts and emails from loved ones saying they were praying for us. Thank you.

The day Landon was born, my mom gave him a Swarovski crystal rocking horse that she brought back from Austria just for him. To continue the tradition, she and my dad gave us a Swarovski crystal lamb.The tears fell heavy when I opened it. The lamb is symbolic in many ways. Thanks Mom and Dad :)

Over the past six days, we have received heartfelt letters from our close friends in Clearwater. Each day, there have been 2 letters- one for me and one for Adam. I have cried while reading every single one of them. Not only did they write words of encouragement, but they talked about our son. These are the same friends who came to visit us in the hospital when Landon was born and who helped us make arrangments for his memorial service while we struggled with the inital shock of our loss. They have walked this journey with us and we will forever be indebted to them for their compassion and friendship they have poured over us.

Yesterday, my friend, Wendy, sent me the book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. It could not have arrived on a better day. In her book, Angie shares the story of her grief after losing her infant daughter. It's a must read for anyone dealing with a loss or a difficult trial. Thanks, Wendy! By the way, this is the same Wendy, who has also been going through some pretty difficult trials with her infant son, Mason. If you want to know a woman after God's heart, read her blog www.kevinwendywhite.blogspot.com She is such an inspiration and a very dear friend!

Thank you to our family and friends for remembering our son. God never ceases to amaze me with His overflowing goodness.

In His Love.....

Happy Birthday, Landon!

It's a bittersweet day. Thinking about the precious miracle that came into our lives a year ago today and thanking God for every second we got to spend with that miracle. Landon is never far from my heart or my thoughts. I'm thankful that my little boy came into this world alive and that we had some very special moments with him. Although we still grieve and mourn the years we will not get to spend with our son, we continuously praise God for the time He did allow us. After all, six days is far longer than what some mothers get with their child.

It is hard to believe that a year has come and gone so quickly. While the memories of his birth are still sharp in my mind, I know that is not the case for others. A close friend recently asked me "Are you afraid that people will forget him?" I could barely hold back the tears as I responded with a weak "Yes." Most of our friends and family never got to meet him before he left us, so to some, he is only a name without any memories attached. How can I expect them to remember him when they never got to meet him? For Adam and I, it is so much easier because we're his parents and a parent's love for their child does not end even after they pass on.

I made a silly request last night in my prayers. I didn't even tell Adam about it b/c I was afraid he would laugh at me. I asked God to send me a butterfly at Landon's grave today. I really don't know why I asked Him for it. Maybe I was looking for reassurance, I don't know. Point is, I asked for it. I had forgotten all about my foolish request until we walked up to his grave today and low and behold, there was a butterfly resting right on Landon's headstone. My heart literally skipped a beat! At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but after looking around, I noticed that it was the only butterfly I could see. Even stranger, it floated around our heads and stayed close to Landon's grave almost the entire time we were there. Feel free to call me crazy, but I believe in signs and I know that God sent that butterfly for me today. That was his gift of reassurance to me that my little boy is okay.

I do not want Landon's birthday to be a day of sadness, because after all, a year ago today, I was experiencing one of the greatest joys of my life. So instead of sadness, I praise God for the magnificent birthday party He is giving my son in heaven today and for the fact that Landon's little brother/sister that was due this week is getting to celebrate with him.

Save a place for me, my sweet baby boy.